The first step is to turn the main breaker off

Peering inside the closet of a network computer rack

Peering inside the closet of a network computer rack

I parse out just enough cat nip for one of the cats to get off, but not both, and let them duke it out like Siamese fighting fish, all hisses and rear leg strokes fanning the guts, fangs, stoned-out faces, sudden urges to flee.

It’s a bad time to stop earning with one kid just out of braces and the other, just starting. And the CEO from the company I just left is on the cover of Time magazine in black and white profile, looking presidential. If you wonder if you’re depressed, you’re probably not.

We fall into new routines, and time passes faster than you think. There is the nap but also the half-nap, which resembles a nap but isn’t. It mimics the nap and comes after eating or reading and then leads to blogging, followed by a nap. The artist on his side slumped, drained of his art, giving all of himself with nothing to ask in return but to be Liked, Favorited, Mentioned. It’s the giving that gives me life.

There is no urgency to the day, but great order in the refrigerator for once, and today a microcosm of order now established in the vegetable bin, the well-wrapped half-onions and spinach leaves, Brussels sprouts, peppers. They’re settled in there nicely, preserved, tucked-in.

I listen to a record by Joanna Newsom many times, start to finish. It is an impending disorder, some pixie music I’m afraid only I can understand. I let the beard go and tasks that require multiple steps get put on hold after the first step, so I can save the rest for later.

Today I attend a virtual web meeting, orientation for the job-seeker firm helping me transition.

The Time article triggers strange dreams. There are references in the story I picture being pitched and I reread them for accuracy, for projects cited I worked on, or my boss did.

In the dream, I’m driving my boss’s car and there’s water on the roadway. I think it’s going to be okay but realize once I’m in it it’s not, the car is filling with water, the car is ruined. I owe some kind of apology at the end.

I realize the scene my wife will remember me in as she leaves for work, embryonic on the sofa with Joanna Newsom playing, and I have to get up and do something. We’re wired this way.

 

About pinklightsabre

William Pearse publishes memoir, travel journals, poetry and prose, and lives in the Pacific Northwest.
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18 Responses to The first step is to turn the main breaker off

  1. walt walker says:

    You should definitely let the beard go all Duck Dynasty while you can.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Lesson for the unemployed. During visibility by spouse, be task-oriented. Go creative as soon as no one is looking.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Prego, Bill – it’s just good PR!

    Like

  4. ksbeth says:

    and before long, i’m sure you’ll be back in the world of daily work outside of your house and you won’t have time for the half naps ‘n stuff, so don’t fight it, and go into your cocoon as needed.

    Like

  5. byebyebeer says:

    The webinar orientation and transition all sound exciting. I find myself satisfied reading about your organized refrigerator and your naps and even half-naps. Your writing gives so much.

    Like

    • pinklightsabre says:

      Hey, thanks…may sound more exciting than it is, but it is what it is! Well shucks, thanks for saying my writing gives so much…I was being a wise cracker too, but your comments give so much, truly! I look forward to your next piece this week too. Cheers!

      Like

  6. Your lifestyle is kind of what I’m aspiring to except not the part about financial uncertainty and the need to find work. Except for that, it sounds pretty perfect to me.

    Like

    • pinklightsabre says:

      I wish I could resign myself to it being pretty perfect. We’re getting ready to move to Europe too and applying for visas etc. and that’s exciting but not altogether perfect. Renting our house out for a year to some friends in July and moving to Germany, hopefully for a year if they’ll have us. Uncertainty, times two.

      Like

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