There were times I’d walk out into our garage and just stare. Stare at the progress I’d made to restore order which was rare, and worth staring at. The state of the garage is like an ocean beach, the calm that comes when it’s all swept clean. Soon enough there’s more shit though, everywhere. All manner of shit nonsensical and worn, easy to confuse as rare or valuable, but basically shit. I paid 1-800 YOU GOT JUNK $500 to take it all away: the fold-out futon with the piss stains, the recliner from my mom/John’s that looks like a stroke victim sagging, bent: the concrete footer the landscapers dug up that sat there like a broken tooth for what, six years?—but despite all that, for karma’s sake, I included an offering of a few coats that were special to me: I emptied the pockets first, the ticket stubs and receipts…and I tipped the guy and the gal who hauled it away and cleaned up after themselves, and then I went back out later to just look at it, my newfound space.
Not because I’m proud of my body (because I’m not), I’ve started cooking without a shirt on like I remember Bill Murray looked in that film Lost in Translation: one of the first times I remember seeing a male actor bare-chested and normal looking (aka flabby around the hips) which seemed odd, and made an impression on me.
And we watched Groundhog Day again, I couldn’t remember watching it before: and Dawn thought that Sonny/Cher song at the beginning was Bob Dylan, and I didn’t give her shit about it because it does.
The film has been cited for zen/buddhist themes based on the idea of the eternal return, that life is a series of re-workings—and it fits nicely with me picking up The Unbearable Lightness of Being again, from where I left off two years ago, and cleaning out the garage again for the first time since 2015.
Your life is broken down into pieces hanging on walls or packaged up in boxes, or looking back at you through the eyes of your loved ones. Whatever dreams you dream are yours most of all, and will likely go unreleased.
This is a reprise of a post from 2016 when we lived in Germany with my mom.