It is the right light to be critical

15-06-12-himmelsstu%cc%88rmer-kassel-n3s_7924On Tuesday the moon was still up when I walked to the lake in the morning. I was in the slot, now. Like being at the airport on one of those skywalks when you know you’re about to go time carries you off, and won’t let you loose.

I was supposed to do this trip a year ago, but because I hired a bad passport renewal service my passport didn’t arrive until the day after my flight left so I had to cancel it. I could reschedule within a year and pay a penalty, so I did.

If they say time isn’t real than why do I feel its presence inside me? Is it an ache for something I had, or a flutter for something I don’t? Is time the perception of loss, or the anticipation of something more?

On the day I was supposed to leave for that trip I got up at 4 AM and drove to the coast, then hiked by myself for 50 miles. There was really no way to replace an imagined trip to the Alps, but I tried.

And now I am so near the border between here and there, so close to leaving that I can feel what it will be like when I’m there. It’s like being in both places and neither at the same time, blurred—and we are always like that, between the here and there, nowhere, feeling as if we should.

About pinklightsabre

William Pearse publishes memoir, travel journals, poetry and prose, and lives in the Pacific Northwest.
This entry was posted in identity, Memoir, travel, writing and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

15 Responses to It is the right light to be critical

  1. ksbeth says:

    limbo is a tough place to balance

    Like

  2. A 50-mile hike … I feel your pain.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. walt walker says:

    Time is a concept used for measurement, just as a centimeter is a concept used for measurement. It’s the pull that is real, not time. Another word for the pull is longing. You’re on to something there.

    Liked by 1 person

    • pinklightsabre says:

      I know, I get the measurement part but then I get tripped up over the perception of space and acquisition or something. All this is well beyond me but fun to grapple with. I like the skywalk image, going to get on one of those today and see how it feels.

      Like

      • walt walker says:

        It’s not beyond you. Not to mention you’ve got poet blood, which gives you a leg up. Search your feelings, young Skywalker, you know it to be true.

        Like

      • pinklightsabre says:

        Poet blood is the best phrase of the week. Have been chewing on that many hours now. No good getting into local time zone but works well for the sunrise. ‘Morning.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. rossmurray1 says:

    “Are we here yet?” – existential kids in the back seat

    Like

  5. I think para 3 is superb. A question poem, complete in itself. I’d probably change the word ‘anticipation’ to ‘hunger’ but that’s just me. Never satisfied, never content.

    Like

  6. Billy Mac says:

    “If they say time isn’t real than why do I feel its presence inside me? Is it an ache for something I had, or a flutter for something I don’t? Is time the perception of loss, or the anticipation of something more?” that is so beautiful.

    Liked by 1 person

    • pinklightsabre says:

      Thanks Billy! I don’t think I’ll ever figure out the time thing, or get tired trying to…happy you enjoyed it and thanks for letting me know. Bill

      Like

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