In the last 24 hours, my blog has been targeted by a bot following attack. At first it seemed like a good thing, all these new followers. They come in batches of five or so every hour, about 200 in the last couple days. But as I dug deeper, I realized they all map back to a lifestyle blog about cooking.
Funny enough, the names and thumbnails of my new followers are all plausible. They’re young, white women with on-trend names like Reagan. When I click on the parent site it takes me to a bunch of recipes for Belgian beef, gelatin-based stocks, and so on—with step-by-step instructions, terrible misspellings, photos with hands and spatulas. It’s how you’d imagine robots trying to talk about cooking, with English as a second language.
Part of me wants to go there and say stop following me, but another part doesn’t want to attract any negative attention. In fact I keep finding myself returning there, tempted to follow…
Bill Pearse 
Have I got a cooking sight for you!!!!!
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I know, it’s hot!
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You just gotta roll with it! This actually relates to the book I’m thinking of writing. A character starts writing a long letter to AI on the computer, hoping/suspecting it could be listening…and it is!
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That’s a good idea Austin, roll with it!
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I had a different kind of attack earlier this year. All computer generated outlook email addresses.
Wordpress Happiness Engineers (I cannot type that without pulling a face) did sort it out.
Before it stops, though, what’s the recipe for Belgian Beef?
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PS. I just click on four or five of the pics in your follower list, choosing the ones looking most like a Russian internet dating site lures. Guess what? All your cooking site.
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I thought Kennedy Orozco was very much my kind of chef. Her blonde hair, gold bikini and surfboard reminded me of what my mother used to look like in the kitchen as she was shelling peas.
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Right, I can see that. Shelling peas in her kimono, makes sense. Silk.
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Dude I called the Happiness engineers and their shit is on it now. Fucking bot followers are like fruit flies, I swear. Weird parallels.
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Right. They’re just so plausible though, the names and photos. This is the vision of AI, perhaps.
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The Belgian Beef is thoroughly uninteresting, but it did grab me for a solid 2 minutes. Kind of liking looking into the Medusa’s eyes…
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They have attacked me too. It’s been going on for days. I keep thinking it’s going to stop but it just keeps going.
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Digital fruit flies? Feels like it.
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yikes
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Sorry sounds creepy.
Although as MIT, etc creates more protein-based bio-computers , I imagine their systems will take more and more interest in cooking. and perhaps will grow angry if they see our recipe for “fish head soup,” and feel a kinship.
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Ha, that’s bizarre and chuckable, Robert. Wait…is this really Robert? Remind me where you have that mole we’ve talked about.
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You have a spatula fetish.
Did you used to have Kraft commercials in the U.S.? Just hands manipulating Kraft Singles and cherry tomatoes for a quick, nutritious snack. Mesmerizing.
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I had a friend who was a leg model! Seriously. Hand models are a different breed. I can picture the Kraft commercials, embedded in my psyche.
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I’ve gotten in the habit of going through that list and deleting obvious bot followers. It’s a pointless task, but makes me feel marginally better about that fake Followers number.
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I didn’t know I could delete them! What a sense of power! Poof! Go away, bot!
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WP added that function awhile ago on the Followers’ list. I do it judiciously, because some are borderline, but yeah, AsianEscorts and BurmeseVacationHomes can go straight in the bin.
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I’ve always wondered about the follow bots. What’s the point? Is it sinister or pointless spam (because they’re never real sites or products right?)? I like the idea of robots starting cooking blogs. They’re a little behind the times but they’ll catch up and surpass us all before long.
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I know, there’s a benign, though somewhat creepy feel to it. Like, a really dedicated effort at a fake cooking blog, with 4K followers (likely stood up in the past week with all these following tactics). But the wording is such, they sound kind of drunk with all the typos. Weird. I feel lonely all of the sudden.
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I still don’t understand the purpose of getting real people to follow a fake blog or account that isn’t linked to a real product. Although I am now curious what robots like to cook.
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I know, this pernicious plot to wear down the thin membrane of attention that’s already basically compromised.
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Paprika & Garlic Silicon Chips! Crunchy Data Bits!
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😂
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I’ve got thousands of followers but most of them are fake. Getting a new follower email stopped feeling good a long time ago.
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I know, my count dropped down and it felt oddly satisfying, like dead-heading a flower pot.
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