Hello and goodbye

Everyone wanted to know how my hypnotherapy session went, including me. It took a while to relax because I’d hurried there from work and had to rub my eyes to make the GANTT charts go away. But when the meditation music started and we dimmed the lights, after I’d taken my shoes off and put my feet up, my body faded to nothing, leaving only my lips.

I thought about recording it on my phone in case I couldn’t remember what I said but none of that is true, you’re aware the whole time. I went back to the apartment where I grew up and imagined the hallway leading to my bedroom. I tried to picture a younger version of myself guiding me there but it was hard, imagining your inner child. Mine was a version I’d seen in pictures, and I did my best to animate him. More important were the feelings emanating in that scene: my counselor was trying to help me re-wire what went wrong.

I didn’t want to leave, though it was abstract and strange. I just hadn’t relaxed like that in a while. I brought the younger version of me back home, and let him wander around the yard. And then I couldn’t help co-mingling him with our kids and tried to introduce them, but soon it was time to go, my session was up.

When I left I couldn’t find my phone; I checked both pockets, my jacket, and thought I’d left it inside—but it was right there in my hand. And when I got home I just sat on the sofa while Dawn warmed dinner, feeling like I’d just traveled through time, feeling charmed.

I’d gone back to my old office earlier in the day too, the first time since January, and like going back to a childhood place, everything seemed smaller. I didn’t feel like I belonged there anymore, and left through the back door.

These blog posts are a form of hello and goodbye too, looking back on my life from different points in time, the same as a photo or an old place you knew, what small parts of yourself still remain true.


Categories: identity, Memoir, writing

Tags: , , , , ,

18 replies

  1. sounds like such a wonderful in-between place to be

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Feels like you’re on a journey. That’s a cliche expression but sometimes apt. Happy trails.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Fascinating, Bill. Felt like a scene in a novel too–protagonist in hypno-therapy to figure out something big. Weird, too, when I think back to childhood places I lived and I can’t picture details like the molding and doorknobs. Speak, memory!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Kevin! Glad to hear about your rain down there, though hope it’s not getting you down. Thanks for reading, I hit a dry spell of writing and feels good to “get wet” again, so to speak. Speak, memory! Hope you are doing well.


  4. I love the vulnerability and honesty in this one. And a good a post, too boot. You say goodbye, and I say hello. hello hello. That dude in the picture is wearing your Wilco jacket.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. I was enjoying this very, very much, and then the last paragraph really lit up the circuits. Fascinating.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I saw a hypnotist when I was in my late 20s for a bout of impotence. I don’t think it helped. It just went away on its own.

    I recently had a wrestling match with plumber’s putty. It didn’t do what I wanted it to do. A waste of money.

    My daughters have had to leave their phones in the kitchen overnight since the day they got them. It was a requirement for owning them. I think it’s saved them a lot of grief and missed sleep.

    I wish I could quit my job as well. It’s just awful but I need the eggs.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ha! And now all we have left it seems is pictures of lap cats and sky scraper scaffolding, sigh….but it’s Tuesday, there’s that.


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