Long dark blues

On those days I went to bed early and tried not to over sleep but it was hard, my body felt heavier in the morning. I remembered what it was like to leap out of bed with an eagerness for the day but that feeling was long gone. I’d made the mistake of double dosing on the melatonin and that was part of it. I researched it the next day and they said one of the side effects was “peculiar dreams,” to which I could attest. The dreams, the melatonin, held me in the claw of some mechanical device or glove, a dull pressure pinning me into place. We tried to game the system, the season, by sleeping through. I did, at least. I lit candles and cooked soup, sat with a blanket morning and night. Let my exercise lag, put on some weight. Watched as the hole in our backyard got deeper, the spot where the large cottonwood had rotted out. All there was to do come spring. And no amount of gumption to do it.

Categories: Memoir, prose, writing

Tags: , , , , , ,

12 replies

  1. Ugh, melatonin. Seems to me it doesn’t help you sleep so much as it helps you feel super groggy come morning. Never gave me weird dreams, but I eventually realized Icehouse Edge was giving me terrible nightmares (I probably shouldn’t be confessing that out loud). I like the image, what is it?

    Liked by 1 person

    • It works for me and I don’t experience the grogginess too much. Funny about Icehouse Edge. Has an ominous ring to it. I found that image in my photo files and have no idea what it is! Kind of like a weird dream, here and gone. No recognition.


  2. and no need to spend a moment worrying about what hasn’t yet arrived, yet hard to crowd it out of our heads

    Liked by 1 person

  3. “Gumption” is a great word. Woke me right up!

    Liked by 1 person

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