The nervous system

I woke early nervous about work, I started work early, got to work early, and over time started equating work with my own self worth, having to work hard to separate the two.

In less than a week I ate most of a small ham by myself, oftentimes eating it cold by my computer for breakfast with a hard-boiled egg and coffee. I moved the dishes aside and burrowed into work. I was glad for it, it gave me something to do. And with so many people suddenly out of work, I was thankful for mine. A contract I started in March ended early due to the pandemic, but my firm helped me find another gig. The subject matter was dense but I decided to commit myself to it wholly as a matter of pride. And to protect my work by being the best I could be at it, to hold on tightly.

When the pandemic started to rise here, we paid more attention week by week. I ordered a freezer and started stocking up on meats. While some turned to guns, I turned to meat. Sausages, roasts, a ham the size of a football. Charlotte eats crap cereal all day, Dawn does her puzzles, Lily her makeup, me my ham. Lots of naps. Naps like the cat and dog, that’s more of a nap pose than actual sleep, the look of someone between feedings with not much to do. The clouds are puffy and every day it hails, it seems. The ice gathers on the lawn, and we by the windows watching it, glad for our heat and for our home. For our dinner and for our wine, for my job…we give thanks.

Categories: Memoir, microblogging, writing

Tags: , , , , , ,

25 replies

  1. Yes, I’m more thankful for my job and harder on myself if I make any mistakes. I’m putting in full days, I think I’m trying to show my worth.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Instinctual isn’t it? Like when we first had kids, I felt the need to go out and hunt, to drag it home. So to speak. I mean I was just doing corporate work. Not exactly “physical.”

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I believe you had this ‘work from home’ experience well established when many are, by compulson, learning and adapting to this new fad. Well depicted. Hope your weighing machine is working well.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ha, weighing machine, right. I have to think about that…good to hear from you as always, my friend. Happy Friday to you! It’s three hours away from us, here. Be well. Bill


  3. “Some turned to guns, I turned to meat”. Not a sentence you read every day. I think I’ve turned to wine, giving thanks to Bacchus daily. A client (via Zoom) said yesterday, “We’ll all become fat alcoholics”. I thought, why not?

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Love that line – guns and meat, so much more rock and roll than guns and roses. I like your snippets of home, the meats, the family meeting busy. Glad you have work to throw yourself into – trying to write here, just starting to be able to, prise myself off the news feeds, the daily death counts. Husband’s doing DIY, I write and potter in the garden, my son surfaces from his room briefly every day to tell me why doing school work is pointless now his exams have been cancelled.
    I feel very, very lucky to have what I have. Keep well

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I’ve been feeling guilty if I don’t put in a full day, but I can only go so long staring at a screen. I stare at a screen a lot, but there are distractions through the day — conversations, interruptions, movement, actual lunch. Deb reminds me that there are some people “working” from home not doing anything, the paycheques coming in anyway. On the other hand, there are people who are laid off, struggling. I have to respect the work I can do, I guess. All this to say, I’ve only napped once.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Love that picture up top, although it is somewhat creepy and prison-like, people pacing in there office cells. You and your ham without guns…you’re like half a Ted Nugent. I’m spending all my time writing papers and responding to discussion forums to keep us busy since we can’t go to class, and my fifth grader has now been on more Zoom meetings than I have. Teachers keeping her busy. Hang in there, get some real naps.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Half a Ted Nugent is best line ever. Yeah, you should see my bow. Happy you spotted the photo, I took that in the Microsoft Paddington office in London last year about this same exact time. Happy to hear from you as always. To Zoom. “Zoooooom.”


  7. I like ham. and I like this article, too. Hope all is well. best,


    gregg s johnson cell: 206.399.3066 email:


    Liked by 1 person

  8. Ham and egg,

    Dr. Seuss, if green eggs,

    If more colors than green, Easter (Ostara)

    Food for the wake and the bereaved

    Be well, Bill

    Liked by 1 person

  9. There you go, blithely tossing out a daring new peace plan. If they reach for a gun, give ’em a ham sandwich. If they’re really pissed, give ’em a rasher of bacon.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. It’s a very weird state of being right now. We always say we’d like more time to sit back, relax, unwind. But the minute it’s forced on us, something in the spirit rebels and our nervous energy surges. Or perhaps, we are just more aware of it?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yeah really! We sure got time now don’t we? Hope you and your son are holding up okay. Thanks for popping in, always nice to hear from you. Wishing you warmer temperatures your way soon, too! Bill

      Liked by 1 person

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