It doesn’t go out like a lamb

Eight weeks ago I started a contract with a new client downtown. For the first time in a while I took the bus, a novelty to work downtown for a few months, a throwback to my early days in Seattle. Of course that ended fast, after three days. They said everyone needs to work from home and the vibe on my floor was a kind of evacuation mode in slow-mo. I met with the help desk and got my credentials, downloaded the mobile apps, authenticated, hurried to the bus. Hardly anyone with masks then, though the driver had one and that felt weird. And I felt bad for having to take the bus. A few weeks later the contract ended early and I was lucky to grab some odd jobs, thanks to my old firm. I wrote case studies and story outlines for marketing copy. And moved a mattress into Dawn’s office where I slept and worked while she recovered from the flu, or whatever it was she had. Cooked, brought her Gatorade and checked in throughout the day asking if she’d temped herself, forcing her to do so. Looking at the calendar, wondering how long I’d be working. Going in and out of wanting to work and just wanting to garden, but holding on to work for some source of comfort, for security. Never feeling that so deeply about work. Losing myself in it like a newfound passion. Going in and out of feeling confident and terribly insecure. The same with my writing, and all the reasons I sucked or I ruled, dancing in and out of that, on and on. Now we sit and wait for packages to arrive and I type blog posts on my phone with my thumbs. I think I have jock itch but I have no idea why. The fox gloves are coming up and I love them for their audacity, for the fact they give so much and require so little. They say it’s going to be a hot one, this summer. But no one knows what it’s really going to be like. Or for how long.

Categories: microblogging, prose, writing

Tags: , , , , ,

22 replies

  1. The many mysteries of 2020.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. So much uncertainty all tangled up in RULES (which themselves are a bit uncertain, ever-changing) … it’s enough to make one dizzy trying to keep up. I notice I’m becoming a bit lax in reading the various reports of misinfo and conflicting info … leaning toward the notion that Mother Earth is having a hissy-fit with us humans, and none of us humans truly understand her. Take care of your various itches!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Ha ha, thanks for the wellness tips there Jazz. Yes, rules. Reminder at how unruly everything really is. Never got so much use from these PJs, they’ll never be the same.

      Liked by 2 people

  3. Jocks and fox gloves, masks and pyjamas. Quietness and stress.
    Nice piece Bill. For myself, I think I’m going a bit odd. Odder, as I said to the builders yesterday. They laughed too loudly.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Take courage. It should not be too long. Certainly, it cannot outlast us. Fear and care are limited to those who are able to do so.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Keshav! Really value your reading and commenting, it’s a nice connection…thanks for being there and hope you find some small joy in my posts too. Be well. Bill


  5. it’s a challenge being in a state of uncertainty in all arenas, just floating around

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I’m envious of this new mode of paying the bills you’ve discovered. Sounds like my kind of work. Good variety, not too much permanence. I get there’s trade off with instability, but it seems worth it.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I never worked from home before. Yes, even marginal stability is maybe an illusion

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I love this piece. Captures the ambiguity we are all feeling right now.

    Liked by 1 person

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