About

We’re sorry. The website <http://pinklightsabre.com&gt; is temporarily out of service in your area and not accepting new patients. This is a Known Outage. If you believe you’ve received this notice in error, we’re sorry again. There are no paragraph breaks in this recording. If you would like to leave a message, please have your Case Number ready and your mother’s maiden name. If you have children, high-resolution JPEGS are safe with us and won’t go any further we promise. Expect a longer-than-normal response time due to longer-than-anticipated call volumes and no urgency it’s your problem not ours. Once you’ve processed your application it will be reviewed by a Human Authentication Wizard with self-guided prompts best experienced on a PC with up-to-date anti-virus protection, autocorrection software, spermicide jellies, caps or sponges. The H.A.W. — aka Human Authentication Wizard — will suss out droids and spam for the mold spores you are and scrub you like shit off our shoes, for tracking purposes and our Database. Because this is a Known Outage there is the possibility for ground collapse and exposure to fatal gases. Stay out of the area behind the sign. Trespassers are subject to persecution. Do not leave a message at the beep this line is unattended and encrypted with anti-spam bee pollen. If you would like to unsubscribe to these notices you can do so by contacting Customer Support at 1-800 DRY-HUMP. Once service is restored in your area you will be contacted by a customer service representative wearing a hoodie on your porch. Thank you for contacting the Internet and &lt;have a nice da&gt <end of message>

We're enjoying our surroundings and reflecting on this time of a lifetime!

11 Responses to About

  1. Very original. I enjoyed every word of that! Thanks. 🙂

    Like

  2. Anonymous says:

    LOL does not compute… I think I want to talk like this all day…

    Like

  3. Yay! For being “discovered.” I love your writing style and look forward to the follow.

    Liked by 1 person

    • pinklightsabre says:

      Thank you my friend! Happy you enjoy it: I like the name of your site, as I’m playing with memory myself these days. It’s a funny thing. Thanks for the note and stopping by. Best, Bill

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Joy Pixley says:

    I await the service representative with the hoodie on my porch. Perhaps he/she/it can explain why pink and why lightsabre.

    Liked by 1 person

    • pinklightsabre says:

      Not sure if this translates, but have you ever sat around with friends drinking wine and conspiring on hypothetical punk band names? That explains this, that’s all I have. No Joy Division, nothing so stark. Thanks for asking Joy, Bill

      Liked by 1 person

      • Joy Pixley says:

        Yes I have, and yes that makes perfect sense now. I only wish I could remember some of the band names my friends and I came up with over the years (I think we get bonus points for actually jamming in the basement after such discussions; nobody should have ever given me a mic). But I can’t remember, sadly. Did I mention that drinking was involved? Ah, that might explain it. Glad you remembered yours.

        Liked by 1 person

      • pinklightsabre says:

        Ha, well I’m glad you get it then, Joy, the drinking adds a special polish to things. Bill

        Liked by 1 person

  5. edbrummel says:

    Oy! This isn’t my father’s About page! (apologies to Oldsmobile) And how apropos, that I’m reading this after having read your Jan 27 post on Orwell and 1984.
    Now I know what this blogsite will be about, I’ll tarry no further in taking my leap of fate. Onward through the slog! (Er… Onward through the _blog_!)

    Liked by 1 person

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