Fried pie, gator kabobs, a handwritten sign that says This isn’t fast food it’s fresh food so thanks for being patient. T-shirts like I got SCONED at the fair (with a big scone). A sexualized version of the little mermaid Ariel on a sign where her boobs are enhanced. This ride called Revolution that looks like a large metal claw with plastic chairs inside and swings at ever-increasing angles until it’s upside down. Disinterested ride operators reciting safety instructions. Coils of vomit arcing in the air. A sign saying no drones, laser sticks or signal tampering. So many people in tattoos. Signs for henna art and those stupid family portraits in Western theme I’d be way too embarrassed to pose for. The persistent sound of children screaming with that warbling Doppler effect. People spinning from high above with their arms in the air. Everyone with their phones out filming it. Bags of cotton candy so big the plastic could asphyxiate a toddler. The feeling of grime coating every surface and the passing thought of germs. Coming to the fair is exactly the same as it always was. Many signs boast their legacy: Serving the fair since 1923! The hardware on the rides looks timeless too (more, neglected). Like the pill-shaped gondola-style pods that circulate above on old cables held by massive steel pylons. The cables creak and sometimes the ride stops and the cabins swing. One thing you can say about the fair is there’s nothing corporate about it. There’s nary a hint of HR. A lot of it isn’t safe or sanitary or correct politically, and that’s part of the fun, it’s unfiltered. Everyone is mouthing the lyrics to songs I’ve never heard. The songs are bait for the rides. The distinct sound bird shit makes when it hits the pavement, it slaps. People eating fried turkey legs where the meat is pink and looks shaved, you have to peel it. But there’s actual animal parts to work around, like tendons. Puke on the ground and people just walking right through it. A tent called Happy Time Bingo where all the old people are. But if you’re overstimulated or autistic it’s perfect. Some guy’s half-eaten corn dog is stuck half-mast on his stick and he’s squeezing the shaft to nudge it upwards like he’s holding his unit. Some kid in a stroller is gripping his gut and screaming but his voice has gone out. T-shirt designs with debased Disney princess themes where the characters are flaunting tatts, smoking, or posing with magic mushrooms. One’s got a bottle of Jack Daniel’s and spiderweb shirt sleeve tattoos. When it’s time to go Charlotte asks why we have to walk so far to the car and I say because it’s free.

Categories: humor, prose, writing

Tags: Creative Nonfiction, humor, pacific northwest, prose